Puzzle Me Silly!

 

Greek Philosophers


1. Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people
will find a way around the laws.- Plato
2.  I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Xenocrates
3.Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle
4.  My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not,
you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
5. I criticize by creation - not by finding fault. - Cicero
6.   Anyone can become angry--that is easy. But to be angry with the right person,
to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way; this is not easy. 
- Aristotle

7.  We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.   - Aristotle

Shakespeare
1.  There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
2.  Brevity is the soul of wit
3.  This above all: to thine own self be true.
4. Love all. Trust a few. Do wrong to none.

Funny Quotes
1.  The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
- James Branch Cabell
2.  Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. - Jimmy Durante
3.  Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. - Elbert Hubbard
4.  I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley
5.  Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
6.  I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.  - Mark Twain
7.  Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research. - Wilson Mizner
8.  The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
- Henry David Thoreau
9.  I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat! - Will Rogers
10.  If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? - Will Rogers
11.  Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. - Wernher Von Braun
12.  There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. - Oscar Wilde
13.  Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. - Dave Barry

14. The great question...which I have not been able to answer...is, What does a woman want? - Sigmund Freud
15. A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
- Robert Frost

16. "A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." - Robert Frost
17. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. - Mahatma Gandhi
18. It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same. - Sir Philip Gibbs

Money
1. I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. - e e cummings
2. No one can earn a million dollars honestly.  - William Jennings Bryan
3. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.  - Oscar Wilde
4. If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis
5. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.  - Robert Orben
6. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.  - Turner, Lana
7. There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody - Stevenson, Adla
8.  In short, the way to wealth, if you desire it, depends chiefly on two words: industry and frugality; that is, waste neither time nor money, but make the best use of both. - Benjamin Franklin

Military and Political Leaders
1.  Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon Bonaparte
2.  A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Sir Winston Churchill
3.  I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. - Thomas Jefferson
4.  In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - Martin Luther King Jr.
5.  Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

6.  Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.  - Sir Winston Churchill
7.  Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. - John F. Kennedy
8.  If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?  - Abraham Lincoln

Authors
1. I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. - A. J. Liebling
2. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. - H. G. Wells
3. Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it - David Henry Thoreau
4. I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon. - Bill Hirst
5. A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies. - Oscar Wilde
6. I am not young enough to know everything. - Oscar Wilde
7. Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
8. Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. - Mark Twain
9. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. - Tom Clancy 

Scientists
1. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. - Albert Einstein
2. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
3. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Alva Edison
4. It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. - Albert Einstein
5. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Inspirational
1. Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right. - Henry Ford
2. Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda (The Empire Strikes Back)
3. Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.  - Edward George Bulwer-Lytton
4. The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
5. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.  - Arthur Schopenhauer
6. Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. - Jimi Hendrix
7. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours. - Richard Bach
8. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. - Henry Ford
9. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. - Bertrand Russell
10. We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
11. Everything that can be invented has been invented. - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
12. If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right. - Marykay Ash
13. When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.   - Alexander Graham Bell

Quotes by Women
1. Not only have women been successful in entering fields in which men are supposed to have a more natural aptitude, but they have created entirely new businesses. Lucretia P. Hunter, ``The Girl Today, The Woman Tomorrow'', 1932
2. You should always carry a gun. Not to shoot yourself, but to know that you're always making a choice. Lina Wertmuller
3. The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year --- everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth. Lilly Tomlin, as Ernestine the Operator
4. One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind. Jean Kerr
5. There exists no politician in India daring enough to attempt to explain to the masses that cows can be eaten. Indira Gandhi
6. I stopped believing in Santa Claus at age six when my mother took me to see him in a store and he asked for my autograph. Shirley Temple Black
7. What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. Nora Ephron
8. There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words. Dorthy Parker
9. If someone tells you he is going to make ``a realistic decision,' you immediately understand that he is going to do something bad. Mary McCarthy
10. The Queen is most anxious to enlist everyone in checking this mad, wicked folly of ``Women's Rights.'' It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot contain herself. Queen Victoria
11. Daughters go into analysis hating their fathers and come out hating their mothers. They never come out hating themselves. Laurie Jo Wojcik
12. When you are unhappy, is there anything more maddening than to be told that you should be contented with your lot? Kathleen Norris
13. A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point. That's the basic spelling that every woman ought to know. Mistinguette
14. A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by mother, who sees that the others get it. Marcelene Cox
15. I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year. Bette Davis
16. Family dinners are more often than not an ordeal of nervous indigestion, preceded by hidden resentment and ennui and accompanied by psychosomatic jitters. M. F. K. Fisher
17. Have you ever taken something out of the clothes hamper because it had become, relatively, the cleanest thing? Katharine Whitehorn
18. I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. Virginia Woolf
19. It's not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone with them. Isabel Colegate
20. The woman whose behavior indicates that she will make a scene if she is told the truth asks to be deceived. Elizabeth Jenkins

Cynical Humor

1. If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. Tom Stoppard
2. Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event. Oscar Wilde
3. If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. Bradley's Bromide
4. The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. Jean Kerr
5. People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. Soren Kierkegaard
6. If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln
7. If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the appearance of doing something. David Peterson
8. If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified insilencing mankind. John Stuart Mill
9. Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work. Gallagher
10. Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. Lily Tomlin
11. Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar. Edward R. Murrow (1908 - 1965)
12. Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. Groucho Marx
13. Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed. Elbert Hubbard
14. I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it. Dwight D. Eisenhower
15. Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. Antoine de Saint-Exupery, "The Little Prince"
16. I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. New York City detective
17. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
18. Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter. W. R. Inge
19. Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. Ronald Reagan
20. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. Calvin Trillin
21. It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. Rod Serling
22. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again. Unknown, Marin County newspaper's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"
23. I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. Beryl Pfizer
24. The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened. Saki, (Hector Hugh Munro)
25. A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. Ludwig Erhard
26. When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. Dan Quayle
27. I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. An English Professor, Ohio University
28. Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. Eugene McCarthy
29. He who builds a better mousetrap these days runs into material shortages, patent-infringement suits, work stoppages, collusive bidding, discount discrimination--and taxes." H. E. Martz
30. If Shakespeare had to go on an author tour to promote Romeo and Juliet, he never would have written Macbeth

Technology Quotes

1. "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977
2. "In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented six feet downward and covered with dirt." -- Blair P. Houghton On the never-dying subject of C program indentation
3. One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. -- Robert Firth
4. "The three principal virtues of a programmer are Laziness, Impatience, and Hubris." -- Larry Wall
5. A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- S. C.
6. Q: What is IBM's definition of a man year? A: 720 programmers trying to finish the job before lunch.
7. As practiced by computer science, the study of programming is an unholy mixture of mathematics, literary criticism, and folklore. -- B. A. Sheil, 1981
8. "First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack." -- George Carrette
9. A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.
10. "For every complex question, there is a simple answer-- and it's wrong." H.L. Mencken
11. The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch. - Michael Friedman
12. "A black hole is where God divides by zero."

Einstein Quotes
1. "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
2. "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
3. "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
4. "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
5. "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
6. "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
7. "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
8. "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
9. "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
10. "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
11. "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
12. "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
13. "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
14. "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
15. "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
16. "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."

Cliches 1--for when you are waiting
1. All good things come to those that wait
2. Give space to time, and time will fill space
3. One day I will wake up, and it will all fit together
4. This is a process of eliminating options
5. The waiting is the hardest part
6. Some day my ship will come in
7. No news is good news

Cliches 2--When there's too much work
1. There will come a day when all the work is finished or when it is too late to finish it
2. When the work is done, I will have time for myself
3. You get nothing for free
4. Poor planning on your part does not create an emergency on my part
5. Hurry when you have time, then you'll have time when you are in a hurry
6. I always complained because my work was being interupted - until I realised the interuptions were my work.
7. Haste makes waste
8. If you had time to do it twice, you had time to do it right the first time

Cliches 3--When life is hard
1. I used to think I had it bad because I had no shoes, then I met a man with no feet
2. Most of the mountains we have in life are ones we build ourselves.
3. When God gives you lemons, make lemonade
4. Life is a series of disappointments, followed by death
5. Life is not hard, it only needs some positive thinking
6. It is a good experience, it makes me stronger

 

Cliches 4--When you're not having any success
1. When at first you don't succeed, try try again
2. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going
3. Rome was not built in one day
4. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that suggests you tried
5. The road to success is always under construction
6. If all else fails, manipulate the data
7. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success

 

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